Sunday, June 10, 2012

9 Marriage Problems That Are Actually... Real Problems

I (Emily) am a sucker for articles about marriage advice. It could be because I am planning to incorporate couples mediation into my career, or because I love making my own marriage better, or because as a newlywed (sure two years is still newlywed), it's a new and exciting stage of life. Whatever the reason, this week a Yahoo! article entitled "9 Marriage Problems that Are Actually Good for Your Relationship" caught my eye. I'm sad to report that after reading the article, I felt a bit sick to my stomach and panicky about the fact that this is what I'm up against as a potential family mediator. 

The article started out by saying, "While some behaviors, like cheating, are obvious deal-breakers, other seeming threats can actually have a positive impact on your relationship." Some of these "seeming threats" included fantasizing about other people ("thinking about a sexy neighbor, for example, can improve your marriage-as long as those racy visions stay in your mind"), using porn ("a slippery slope.... But if he or you use it occasionally when the other's not around, that's okay"), flirting with people online ("flirty friendships can be healthy as long as they don't get physical"), and being close with a colleague of the opposite sex ("'your financial stability and social status may depend on this specific office relationship'")

Um, no. Those things are not ok. At all. 

But the article did have a redeeming quality: The comment section. Thank heaven for the common man and his need to loudly and clearly express his opposition. Every comment I read agreed (a rare phenomenon!) that the article was just about the crummiest marriage advice you could find. The comments helped me to regain my hope in the world...and the world's marriages.

As I type, I am waiting for my adorable knight in shining armor (James) to return from slaying his most recent dragon (the GRE) in a distant land (Tokyo). What a blessing it is to know that I am his princess. Me. Not a fantasy in his head. Not some racy Photoshop-ed magazine or website. Not a female colleague. Not anyone or anything else. Me.

Now, maybe I'm not really qualified to comment on the article since I haven't really tested and proven [wrong] any of its "problems." But I can attest to the fact that it feels beautiful to be someone's one and only. To be loved with a pure and constant stream of forgiveness, service, humor, intimacy, gentleness, and kindness. 

Here is someone who really is qualified to give advice. Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Give expression to the noble desires that lie within your hearts, to reach out, to comfort, sustain, and build others." The man who performed our sealing said something similar to James and I right before we were married, and we have tried hard to put that into action in the last two years. 

Oh yes, and also this advice from a Beloved Auntie: "The secret to a happy marriage is pretty kitchen towels." 

You should see my kitchen towels.


  1. I'm so happy for you two lovely souls. :)

  2. My name is Miriam from USA, My man is back with the help of a great Dr Mack who helped me cast a spell that brought my man back to me in just 3 days. my lover left me and my family for unknown reason and now he is back, once again I want to thank Dr Mack for his wonderful spell, am now a happy woman. you can contact the great spell caster on his email: dr.mac@yahoo. com